44. Krispy Kreme

Hi, I am Greg and I want to grumble about a certain doughnut shop that has opened up on Port Road at Croydon.

Now for years when I have caught planes home I have been bemused to watch people rearranging the overhead luggage so that they could bring their box of Krispy Kremes back to the apparently deprived and doughnut-less frontier town Adelaide.

But now, amid much fanfare, we have our very own Krispy Kreme outlet!

Last Monday I was mildly amused to see people camping in the freezing cold to be the first to contribute to the global franchise’s $500m a year revenue. That was just bizarre (as was the knife-point doughnut theft later in the week), but what I want to grumble about was the number of people who thought it was fine to park in the bike lane outside the shop.

As I rode by on Thursday I counted 12 cars parked in the no-parking zone.

I’m sorry, it is not ok that I and other cyclists are put at risk by being forced out into the traffic lanes just so that they can get closer to the their sugar fix.

I don’t think you need to be a health fanatic to say that in peak hour traffic, my health and wellbeing should have a higher priority than their easy access to breakfast treats.

And ok, having got that Grumble out of my system, I will acknowledge that it is pretty trivial in a week where the Australian government abandoned any real policy to address climate change, madmen or zealots shot down a passenger plane at horrendous human cost, and in a disproportionate and bloody response to rocket attacks against it, Israel is bombing Gaza and continuing the cycle of war and hatred.

But what can I say about that. To paraphrase Gandhi, when I think of western civilisation, I think it would be a good idea.

But the issues here are just too big, too horrible and too disempowering.

I am Greg, and I despair.

This Grumble can be heard online or by podcast.
First Broadcast: 22 July 2014

20. Bike Riding

Hi. I am Greg and I want to grumble about bike riding – and I do this having just completed a 9-day ride along the Great Ocean Road with about 5,000 others. My grumble is not about the lycra – yes I know it looks appalling and turns people into lurid billboards, but it is by far the most comfortable clothing to cycle in, and over a long distance that matters.

And my grumble is not about bike riders not obeying road rules – most of the rules and road infrastructure were not made for bikes and are often inappropriate ‘car-thinking’, and sometimes unsafe. Although having said that, I do support helmet laws as I have twice cracked a helmet on the road without any harm to me. That’s two points for the so-called “nanny-state”.

My grumble is about the commercialisation of riding. I know that large groups of middle aged men combining high disposable incomes and a sport full of machines and gadgets is a marketer’s dream. But now the charities have got in to the market and I am sick of being asked to ride to cure cancer or some other injury, disease or condition, or to help a particular charity. They may be good causes, but if I really wanted to “ride for a reason”, it would be because it is cheap, keeps me healthy, is good for the environment, saves the community money, gets my brain working and is just plain fun.

The charity imperialism reached a farcical point for me earlier this year, when I went to register for a major community ride – on public roads I have ridden many times – only to find out I needed to raise several hundred dollars for a charity first. Frankly, if I was going to raise money for a charity, it would not be for that particular one. But the bigger issue is, what is it that requires us to ride, run, walk, shave, wear a ribbon or grow a ridiculous moustache to get donations for good causes.

It is the logic of a contract – that there must be an exchange to make it legitimate, or that you must do something to “earn” the charity dollar.

Personally, I dream of a community beyond such commercial logic, a community which gives what is needed, simply because it is needed, not because of some sporting indulgency. Imagine that, being able to fund good things on the basis of issues, not gimmicks!

I am Greg and I am grumbling – and riding, for fun.

This Grumble can be heard online or by podcast at https://radio.adelaide.edu.au/gregs-grumbles-20/ 

First Broadcast: 17 December 2013